Pregnancy

I'm seven months pregnant. At least, figuratively speaking. Without the figure, I mean.

I am just getting to the part where I am having to PLAN for this new baby. I have had to start canceling appointments at the end of January, and am not allowing anything on the calendar for March (better scratch that surgery Alex has scheduled--again). The baby's crib is all set up, his clothes are set out, his special dishes are bought (each child has their own set of special dishes)--I have everything but the diapers. People are starting to ask about him almost everywhere I go, and I find myself saying the same things over and over again but I never get tired of it because it reminds me that I will see him soon. If I were pregnant, I would be "showing" enough right now to draw lots of questions and comments, both ignorant and informed. It's amazing the sorts of things people think about adoption! But those who have adopted already or who have close friends who have adopted always ask the really discerning questions, the ones that usually lead to deeper conversations. I am starting to get REALLY excited.

I wonder if pregnant mothers ever have the same sorts of fears I have. A new life, an unpredictable being who is joining your family forever, no matter what they look like or what their attitude is toward you or anyone around them. Many of these things must be the same. Many but not all. Will I love him right away, or will it take time? Will he love me back? Will I think he is the most handsome boy in the world, or will his habits annoy me? Did others hurt my little boy before I could get to him? Has anyone else loved him? Will anyone mourn for him when he joins our family? Will he cry for anyone when we take him away from all he's ever known?

Each child is so unique; just because I have parented before does not make me an expert on THIS child. And the greatest fear...will something happen to him before we can adopt him? I have a friend who was informed that the baby she was trying to adopt was going into the hospital for emergency surgery. My friend flew to Guatemala and was able to spend a few days with the baby before the child died in her arms. Or it may not be physical. Judges will occasionally decide that a family is not a right fit for a child...sometimes with good reason, sometimes arbitrarily. Nothing is guaranteed until the child is home. Until the child is born. And then begins a whole new adventure...