Making Jennifer

I have had to do some deep thinking about where I personally fit in to myself recently. I had a definite view of who I wanted to be when I graduated from college and married Dan. By the time we had a child, my identity wasn't flexible any more. When it was just Inga, I could pretend that I was the same continuous person I had always been since early gradeschool (I don't remember much before that). But now that there are four little bodies that are fairly dependent upon me for their daily needs and emotional well-being I cannot pull away from the fact that my life took a definitive direction when we started having kids. And, although it is not a road less traveled, it is a direction that defines itself by the exclusion of access to a lot of other paths. At least if you move by traditional means. So I am faced with the realization that my kids have changed me, and are defining who I am becoming, even if I feel like I remain my own person. I am still a writer, a musician, an adventurer, a sister, a daughter, a wife, a friend...and interwoven into all those things is a mother who is figuring out how to continue in these things and include her children in them as well. On top of that I am learning all about prosthetics and the development of the brain and speech and vision and the impact of early childhood malnutrition on the rest of your life. I am meeting all kinds of people I never would have had the grit to meet on my own because my oldest daughter can't stand next to a stranger in line and not strike up a conversation. And I find other adults willing to get to know me because one of my children has a similar condition to their child/grandchild/niece. My original definition for who I am (writer, musician, etc.) takes me in an established and known direction. My children take me in directions I never dreamed of going, and I am grateful for the adventure.